Growing Up

One of the big decisions we've made lately, is for me to teach preschool next year.  It was kind of a last minute job offer, and a last minute decision for us, and I was totally unprepared for it.  I had previously decided not to put Sydney in preschool next year for a couple of reasons.  One being that it's expensive, and another being that I really wanted to enjoy another year as a mom of young kids not in school.  This job offer, however, was really an answer to our prayers.  It gives me an opportunity to help out with our income, and not have it be a sacrifice to our kids, and it gives Sydney an opportunity to a free year of preschool.  I have made arrangements with family and friends to have a babysitter for Cooper, so he will not have to be in a daycare, and it really won't take up too much of my time (about 6 hours a week) so it really is a win-win situation and something that I just couldn't pass up.  I really am looking forward to it.  I think it will be a fun adventure for both Sydney and me, and this opportunity couldn't have come at a better time.

As exciting as it all is, there is one little, or maybe big to me, thing that tugs at my heart.  My baby girl is growing up.  She will be starting school this fall, and will never be mine all the time again.  Luckily, we will have a few years of part-time school to get used to the idea of full time school.  It kind of breaks my heart to have her leave me... I can only imagine the kind of wreck I'll be when she leaves me for college.  I can hardly believe that this past year was the last year of my life to not have any kids in school.  I think that was the hardest thing emotionally about this decision... that I wasn't really prepared for.  Sometimes I wonder why time passes so quickly, and how I got so old all of a sudden.  Sydney is growing up to be such a wonderful little girl.  I know that she will do a great job with school, and that she will thrive in that environment.  But I really do wish that I had a little more time with her as my sweet little Sydney.  The other great thing about this situation is that I will be Sydney's teacher, so that will probably help me transition to the idea of having her in school... hopefully.

For the time being, I am holding on for dear life to every sweet moment I have with her.  I have been laying with her longer when I put her to bed, and am loving having those moments of just mommy and daughter.  Her bedtime routine is always the same.  First we read the BOM and say a prayer as a family.  Then Matt takes Cooper to bed and it's just Sydney and me. "Do ABCD's on my back Mommy," she'll say.  So I trace the abc's on her back while singing the alphabet.  Then we sing a few more, usually primary, songs.  I used to leave her to fall asleep after this point, but lately, she has been saying, "let's talk now Mom!"  I never thought hearing that sentence come out of her mouth would make me so happy!    Night after night, we will talk.  We talk about our favorite parts of our day, and speculate about Daddy and Cooper's favorite parts.  We talk about what we will do tomorrow.  We tell jokes and giggle, and tell stories.  I wish it could last forever.  Then we give hugs and kisses, and tuck her in tight so the "wiggle bugs" can't get her.   Right now those moments are the most precious moments in my life.

I know that Sydney will grow up with time.  Someday she will have her own children to take care of.  There is a cycle of life that we all must go through, and I am learning to try to love my life exactly how it is.  Because I can't rewind or slow down time.  I can't change anything about it, and if I don't enjoy it, it will have passed me by and will be something I can't get back.  I am so happy to have had the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, and mother my darling children.  We have had to sacrifice a lot of things so I can do it, but it is worth it.  I wouldn't have it any other way!